Phoenix's Story - Candice

At the beginning of 2014, my husband and I made the momentous decision to expand our little family. I have Bipolar Disorder, so the decision to have another baby was HUGE! I didn’t want to conceive while on medication, so I went to see my doctor and she agreed that I could go off the meds as long as I saw her regularly and watched my moods very closely. It took us 3 years to fall pregnant with our firstborn, so when I found out I was pregnant just 2 months after stopping my meds, I was over the moon.

As much as I had hoped to remain off my medication for the duration of my pregnancy, I know myself well enough to recognize when I'm not coping. So, at around 6 weeks of pregnancy I went back to my doctor and started taking my meds again.

Somewhere around my 16th week of pregnancy, a ‘voice’ in my head began to whisper something very specific: “cleft lip”. I knew that one of the biggest possible risks of taking my medication while pregnant (though very small) was cleft lip and/or palate, but I brushed the voice aside. What a crazy thought, right? That persistent ‘voice’ is the reason why, at my 19-week anomaly scan, I was prepared for the words: "I’m not happy with his top lip". I knew then, with certainty, that our little blessing did in fact have a cleft.

For the most part, the rest of my pregnancy was uneventful. I truly loved every minute which was such a good feeling, as I had hated my first pregnancy. I took loads of belly pics and tried to document it as thoroughly as possible. Since the gap between my pregnancies was nearly 8 years, it almost felt as though it was the first time, only better!

At around 3am on Saturday, the 17th of January, I awoke in a puddle of water. I couldn’t stop laughing! I had recently told my mom that things like that only happen in the movies. I called my midwife to let her know, as we had been told to notify them immediately if water broke. She asked how I was feeling and said not to worry, as it could still take some time before active labor began. She said they generally allow 24 hours before doing anything to accelerate labor, so I just had to wait patiently. I was so excited (and nervous) to know that my baby was on his way.

I spoke to my midwife again a bit later in the day – nothing much was happening, so she said she would come see me at home to check my blood pressure etc. Once she had checked that and we’d had a chat, she said she would like me to come to the hospital for some fetal monitoring – just to be safe. At the hospital she attached the monitor to my enormous belly to measure my contractions. My blood pressure was ok, and my contractions – although not close together – were very strong. The midwife said that she didn’t think we would need to do anything if my contractions continued, but that we should meet at the hospital again the next morning if nothing significant happened before then.

At around 3am on Sunday (my due date), I awoke with very strong contractions. At 6am things picked up quickly and I was contracting every four to three minutes. When we got to the hospital, my midwife, Ciska, was waiting in the labor ward and she opened her arms to me, holding me through a contraction, telling me to lean on her and take slow, steady breaths. I had wanted to labor in water, but when Ciska examined me  I was already 9cm dilated! No time to even fill the bath. I laughed and said that was okay with me; I just wanted him out! I labored on the floor, leaning on a birthing ball, but then felt that I had to move, so I got onto the bed and settled into child’s pose only a little while before I felt the urge to push.

Less than six hours after labor officially started, Phoenix Caleb was born at 8:45am; weighing a whopping 4.2kg! I couldn’t believe it. I gripped Phoenix to my chest, elated and exhausted, and marveled once again at the miracle of birth. I had done it. With the support of my amazing midwife, I had managed to have another medication-free, natural birth without any intervention or even tearing!

After the cord was cut, I offered Phoenix my breast. To everyone's relief, he latched perfectly! 

Because most cleft babies are unable to breastfeed, our story is unique. Breastfeeding is not usually offered to clefties, as it is assumed that they will not be able to latch properly or suckle effectively. Because of this, I was approached by a journalist and lactation consultant who asked if she could write an article about us to spread awareness and let other moms of cleft babies know that it may be possible for their babies to breastfeed.  Our story was featured in the May 2015 issue of Baba & Kleuter.

 He was operated on the week before he turned 3 months old, and I'm thrilled to say we continued breastfeeding until he was 3 years old.

I love sharing Phoenix's story because I want other moms to know that despite our challenges, we were able to breastfeed. The cleft in Phoenix's gum caused my nipples to bleed, so I alternated with shields to try to get relief, and I spent a lot of time air drying and sunbathing my nipples. Of course, there may be situations where it isn't possible to breastfeed at all, and that's ok; but for the moms who are breastfeeding and perhaps struggling and considering giving up, I hope our story encourages you to push through. Sometimes, all it takes is a whole LOT of faith and perseverance. I wish you all strength and courage.

On April 15th 2020, we celebrated the 5th anniversary of Phoenix’s lip repair surgery.

-Candice Spammer