Dr Y- 5 years of breastfeeding and counting

Breastfeeding has been one of the most difficult and rewarding things I have ever had the honour of doing. But let’s start at the beginning…

I work in the medical field, often counselling new moms on breastfeeding. We even had training in our undergrad studies – albeit it was always too short, too unspecific, and too early in the morning for us selfish students! Despite all of this, I will be honest with you – the idea of a baby suckling on my boob completely freaked me out.

Cut to a decade later, and I am faced with my own little hungry human, looking up at me for not only nourishment, but absolutely everything. No amount of training or counselling can prepare you for that. My first thought was, “Who are you and where did you come from?” It truly felt like I was meeting a stranger with whom I was somehow supposed to have the strongest bond known to man. And that’s where breastfeeding came in. People (including me, pre-kids) talk about

breastfeeding being “natural”, and “maternal instincts”, and “pre-programmed”, and while that may be the case for some, it certainly did not feel like that for me. Breastfeeding was a skill that my newborn and I had to master together.

My daughter seemed to know what to do more than I did, but to be fair to me, she had more motivation and a keener sense of smell. I positioned her — wrong, obviously — and she snuggled into my nipple and latched on — also wrong. But from that moment, I knew my initial

hesitation from all those years of training and watching other people didn’t matter anymore. This was my daughter and my own journey, and we were going to stumble through it together. Even then, it wasn’t all roses — cracked, bleeding nipples, endless Googling, sleepless nights,

and pain that rivalled that of a Caesarean section all followed. However, I truly believe that God opened the door for me to breastfeed to allow me to bond with my daughter and experience the deepest feelings I have ever felt for another human. Once the oxytocin started flowing, I felt like I could finally understand love songs — she was the love of my life. Staring down at her while she breastfed, held my finger, and stared back at me, I was moved to marvel at the wonders of creation as well as feel the sincerest sense of gratitude.

My maternity leave soon came to an end — too soon and not soon enough. I needed to join adult conversations again, I needed to escape the obsession of how-many-poos-had-she-done-that-day (spoiler alert: amazingly, no one at work cared about that), I needed to be able to breathe. But I didn’t want to lose the feeding we worked so hard to

build. So I read as much as I could about expressing (truly the bane of my existence for a full year) and reached out to anyone I knew about expressing and feeding. The team at La Leche League were so supportive without being condescending, providing fact-based info that I could use to arm myself to fight through the self-doubt, frustration, boredom, and awkward work encounters that come with expressing. 

Dr Bagus, one of the Leaders (and a medical doctor herself), was particularly kind and helpful, navigating this road, especially providing insights from a Muslim (taking fasting into consideration) and a health-professional perspective.

I have since exclusively breastfed both my children for over two years each, and I am well on my way with my third. Which means I have been blessed to breastfeed non-stop for five years! I could write a book about all the challenges and joys that come with the journey. And while I have crinkly eyes and low-hanging boobs, I also have memories that have touched my soul, and the belief that I have become a better mother and doctor for it.

This is my personal story, but I understand that this is not the case for everyone. I only urge the reader who may be struggling with breastfeeding to seek help, as with the right support, you will be able to find the right method for you and your baby.